Country music is just dumb (I have the proof!)

You have to kidding right? NO. I’m not. I’m not going to pull out the vague generalized bias card today, but this crap has to be stopped before someone actually likes it. What am I talking about you ask? Read on, I’ll explain.

I was sitting in my ever-comfortable hospital bed the other day – being stuck there and surfing the boob toob, I ran across CMT, so I paused. Bad idea. What desecrated my poorwittleeardrums next was purely horrible and will most likely make to a future VH1 show. Trace Adkins should be stoned and exiled from Country Music, sort of like a musical annulment, remove every Trace of his existence from Country Music. Why?? Honky Tonk Badonk Adonk. That’s why. It’s retarded, just to start off. But it’s far more than that. It’s a juvenile, ill conceived, poorly written and played with less musical precision than the sounds of a cat being skinned. This is a prime example of why kids should go to college. I could go on and on – but I won’t, I leave you with a sample of the alleged lyrics.

Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin’ on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how’s she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk

That honky tonk badonkadonk
Yeah, that honky tonk badonkadonk

(That’s it, right there boys, that’s why we do what we do
It ain’t for the money, it ain’t for the glory, it ain’t for the free whiskey
It’s for the badonkadonk)

6 thoughts on “Country music is just dumb (I have the proof!)”

  1. Ha! Glad I didn’t have to suffer through this dribble. I haven’t heard it, and I am sure I never will. I’m guessing that since they weren’t going for a novel, they only had 10 monkeys banging away on those typewriters…

  2. I just want to point out that there is a HUGE community of country music fans (some of whom even have college degrees and all their teeth, if you can believe it!), with their own music stations, awards shows, and, as you noticed, their own channel on TV. I think rap and heavy metal sound like a cat fight combined with garbage cans being randomly pounded on by a baseball bat, so it’s all a matter of personal preferance.

  3. I know there is a huge following of country music listeners, as I too fall under that category – yet what I say above – in a great many cases is the truth. That song (which sparked this post) is easily the biggest piece of crap I have EVER heard. Hands down. But if your personal preference lets you listen to the equivalent of crap spread over toast with a twangy back-beat, so be it. Notice I have said nothing of any other artist – just Adkins. There are many excellent Country singers/bands. He is not one of them.

  4. Opinions are like butt holes, everyone has them and they all stink to you if one or the other is not your own….So here is my personal opinion, personally the only people I have heard of that don’t like this song are those that are not comfortable enough with their own appearance to get the humor in it!! I mean come on, it is a “party” song, you aren’t supposed to take it literally, I understand that you are a “liberated woman” or gay man, either way it’s about the same….but really, you are going to base your theory that “country music is just dumb” on this one song…or for that matter all of Trace’s songs on this one….needle in a haystack babe, ever heard any of his other songs? For example: “Arlington”, off of his Songs about Me Album? Try listening if you are a family member of someone who did make it back to Arlington… Personally I think the song that started this whole ordeal is quite funny, and no I am neither a juvenile nor uneducated, but I have a healthy self esteem and a sense of humor, which obviously there are a several people who do not, or the posted rant would never have been started. Actually considering the state the world is in today my OPINION is that we need more “party” songs or as you call them “juvenile, ill conceived, poorly written”…it might help people lighten up and for a split second help them forget the trials and tribulations they are going through. Here’s a helpful hint, “Don’t take life too seriously, it’ll be the death of you”.

  5. Look. You can read right? Then read up rather than what your obviously open-minded leanings are pressuring you to.

    There are a massive number of completely shite country songs, this one takes the cake. I’m glad you like it. Good for you.

    You don’t like what I have to say? Then stay the hell off my blog. Don’t pretend to be able to psychoanalyze me because I dislike the vast majority of Trace Adkins music. Yes I have heard more than just that P.O.S. passing as music – and overall – I can live without his off-tune ramblings. He is neither inspired or inspiring.

    Which by the way, can be said about at least 80% of all of the crap that flows over the airwaves. There are plenty of totally worthless RAP, Hip Hop, Acid Rock, Punk, Classical, Jazz, Soft Rock, Hard Rock, Rock-a-billy, Country, and Michael Bolton wanna-be, ear puss inducing artists available, to be handed out to every person on the planet for the rest of eternity.

    Besides, since when is “it’s a party song” an excuse to be completely retarded and devoid of any real substance? Is it that party goers in general have lower standards for music than others? Nope. Been there, done that. Or maybe it’s just you. So off you go. Get in line, stamp those feet, and shake that size 42 badonk till you bleed.

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