A long way to get, before I get back home…

theres a man I’ve never met who looks a lot like me

theres a little place called heaven that I’ll probably never see
theres a thing called peace of mind that I have never known
I’ve got a long way to get before I get back home

Bob Schneider – A long way to get

If I was the man I was 5 years ago, I’d take a flamethrower to this place!

Anger can be a wonderful tool for compelling people to listen to what you have to say, or getting someone so freaked out, that only only seem to remember that you just dropped the F-bomb more times than Al Pacino in a scene from Scarface. My hair was on fire this morning I think, because that’s how I felt. Some things just have the tendency to get me so worked up that I just think I’m going to explode. I know, not a surprise – or even uncommon. What I think is uncommon however, after I get angry, I tend to really think about what it was that just made me so angry and figure out how I can better utilize a more efficient emotion to translate that energy into something productive. Not so terribly productive as to act on what I finally end up as a stopping point, or even productive in a literal sense. Just something productive for me.

Putting on socks right out of the dryer

The concept of home has been occupying my thoughts a lot. I know it’s sort of cliche, but it’s true. Being sick as much as I have this year has made me look at things quite a bit differently. What I have come up with is…. not much. Lot’s of thought – not too much resolution. Oh well. (hehehe, not much of a revelation huh? Never said I was a philosopher did I?) Any way, what I have figured out is I spend too damn much time on the goony little things that takes a day and craps it on the floor. I don’t spend enough time with my family – any of them. Not actual time. I don’t spend enough time behind my camera, chasing Donovan, or teaching Dylan how to play hide and seek, then watching him tentatively sneak up to this black lump in the corner – not knowing for sure if it’s Daddy or a big scary black lump. I need to take Litsa out more, spend less time in front of these 2 stupid pixel arranging devices looking at the intarweb.

No parking in the White Zone

I’m not at all sure what I am going to do with any of this – or how I am going to accomplish anything new or old – or how to do more in what seems to be an increasingly shorter day. If I were a GI Joe guy, I’d say "Knowing is half the battle", but then again they always seem to know where Cobras bases are, but still somehow are totally incapable of stopping them – so obviously knowing anything just doesn’t cut it. Reading some things on another blog a couple of days ago, led me a bit further, in that I think the inability to do what’s important revolves around fear. Quite a bit I think. So, it takes even more strength to do what you want to – especially if it involves the possibility of (either actual or perceived) failure to do it; either well or at all.

Like I said. I’m not a conclusion yet, and realistically, I probably will never reach one. But I’m not sitting on the curb anymore – waiting for God only knows. It’s easy to say, and hard to do – I know… cut me some slack, will ya?

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