This has been gnawing at me for some time, this isn’t really triggered by any specific event; yet by several over the course of my adult life and it is beginning to drive me nuttso!
I have kids. 2 actually, and how is it that they have a more innate ability to say whatever is on their mind, be more frank, forthright and to the point than 80% of [b]all[/b] would-be adults? Why is that anytime there is to be a real and/or perceived conflict, people just shut down, walk away or bottle it up inside so that weeks later they get so bloody pissed off that it’s way too late for a reasonable outcome and things turn shite quickly? How did people get so trained to think that all conflict is bad, with no beneficial outcome?
If a friend or a coworker doesn’t like what you’re doing, saying (thinking). Why is it that they don’t feel like they should/can say anything in a polite manner directly to you without uncorking a demon spawn? And who the hell said it was okay to be passive-aggressive about it and just hope that by spamming an entire department with an email – that the problem will resolve itself? WTF? How hard is it say to someone, “Hey, do you mind not flatulating as you walk by my cube, it’s really gross. Thanks.” I mean come on! If I’m playing with one of my kids and doing something he doesn’t want me to do anymore, even he has the forethought to ask me to stop – sometimes he just screams [b]SSSTTTOOOPPPPP[/b] – but it works right?
If you go to work everyday expecting that there will be no conflicts of any kind, than you are delusional. Once you have a large number of people from, potentially, all over the world in one place – there are [i]going to be conflicts[/i]. Duh! Deal with it. Learn how to figure out what is good and what is bad and just… well… Deal with it.
Oh yeah, and when there finally is one, and it’s over; move on. I haven’t held a grudge against my friend Billy from 2 houses down since I was in the 8th grade, and people who are supposedly college edu-ma-cated shouldn’t hold grudges. It’s pathetic, childish and quite boorish. You want to act like a 12 year old, fine – go be a nozzle-jockey at the local Stop-n-Fill or something, at least there it might win you some points.
I know work environments exist where these traits are minimal; how you ask? One of my last jobs was with the best bunch of folks I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Great dynamic, intelligent, energetic, and most of all… they all knew how to deal with people. It was great. None of this petty pissing-match BS that you get. None of this, “I don’t like so-n-so cus’… well I don’t know why – he just sucks”. There were conflicts, just like everywhere else – we were all simply able to get over it. So someone yells at you – you gonna stay pissed for 3 weeks over? So what if this other guy doesn’t always do his job the right way, cuts corners and screws up stuff for everyone else – guess who’s not gonna have a job longer than you?
The bottom line is, the people you work with are a random spattering of people off the street (literally in some cases), no ones says you have to like them, be their best bud. All you have to do is your job, and if that means working with people you don’t like, or who stink, or who talk to much, are lazy….. Whatever. Who cares? Do your job and get over it. You’re getting paid to do something – which is a [b]whole lot[/b] more than 8 million in this country can say right now.
I’d say some people are just really angry and can’t talk to the people they need to about it (because they’ve tried and failed too many times to want to keep trying, or because the person refuses to talk to them, or because they’re terrified to even try, or because the person is dead), and haven’t been through the heavy-duty therapy that might also help them out, and so are left to take it out on innocent family members, co-workers, motorists, and society at large. That, at least, is my theory as to why some people seem to have this unquenchable thirst to gossip, curse, sabotage, attack (verbally or physically), and in general behave aggressively, including in the workplace. I would say the reason they can’t just be direct is that that wouldn’t fulfill their deeper need to, at least momentarily, feel like the powerful person hurting another person and not like the helpless, enraged person who has been hurt, perhaps repeatedly, and can’t seem to make the hurt stop. And of course, this can all compound over time (a person angry at a parent lashes out out a lover who then spurns them, so they wad the anger at the first lover into a ball with the parent-anger and take it out on a boss, who fires them… and so on) This is my theory, anyway. I’d like to know what other people think. How people think and feel is an interest of mine. 🙂